December 5, 2007
Jean Piaget has allowed us many insights into child cognitive development and his valuable research made great inroads concerning brain functioning in general. According to Piaget and his theories on child cognitive development, children are born with a great desire to interact with and understand the world around them.
The term child cognitive development refers to how a ” child perceives, thinks and gains understanding of the world through interaction and influence of genetic and learned factors “(plotnik-1999} According to Piaget, four areas define intelligence and child brain development and these include: a biological approach to intelligence; the cognitive succession of stages; knowledge; intellectual competence.
Many preschool and other child cognitive development programs are based on Piagets theories regarding child cognitive development and instruct that the parent or teacher challenge the child’s abilities while taking care not to introduce concepts which are beyond his understanding. Combine this with hands-on experiences, game playing and field trips, as well as craft making and you have the basis of the full learning program derived from Piaget’s research materials on child cognitive development.
Piaget divided child brain development into further categories as follows: The sensor motor child cognitive development stage, where intelligence is shown thru motor activity with a strong lack of symbols. Interaction at this stage of child cognitive development is fully dependant on the environment and object permanence is achieved at 7 months of age. Natural child cognitive development and increased mobility allows for new intellectual ability at this stage.
The pre-operational child cognitive development stage occurs in toddlers and during early childhood. Intelligence is shown thru basic symbol usage and language increases as well during this child cognitive development stage. Egocentric thinking begins to dominate but is achieved in a non-logical and non-reversible manner. This child cognitive development period also sees a more developed imagination with vastly improved memory.
A further period of child brain development is reached during the elementary and early adolescent years. Intelligence is shown by the increased use of symbols and language understanding also increases. Egocentric thought is diminished during this time of child cognitive development, while operational thinking relating to reversible actions increases dramatically.
During the formal operational stage of child cognitive development, intelligence is demonstrated through the use of symbols in relation to abstract concepts. This period of child cognitive development occurs during adolescence and young adulthood and shows a return to egocentric thought patterns during the early phase of this stage.
Piaget’s research methods regarding child cognitive development were based on his own case studies. Many of his ideas on child cognitive development have been supported by ongoing study in this field. However, several of his theories on child cognitive development and child brain development have not been corroborated by further research and remain shadowy and unproven.
Anyone wishing to research child cognitive development in any depth would do well to begin with the findings of Jean Piaget and go on from that point. Many well-researched books and articles are easily available for anyone wishing to understand the vast field of child cognitive development and we have Piaget to thank for opening many doors in this area! Ongoing research into child cognitive development will certainly unveil many more guidelines in the near future.
Copyright 2005
Child Cognitive Development Resources
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December 4, 2007
As a young girl, while growing up in Junior High, if you show that you are too eager to be with boys, or even a certain boy, you will, sooner or later, be seen as “desperate”. Come High School, reputation becomes more important (to girls) than looks. Imagine if you have a bad hair day, your next day you can still shine. But if you get a bad rep one day, your entire year can suffer. At least that’s the case in High School (in Junior High your bad rep is forgotten the moment someone else becomes news).
Boys, by their very nature, are, and will always be, desperate creatures. This is a given. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the girl to make sure that this evolutionary process is maintained. That is, they cannot let show that they are “eager” to be with this boy, then that boy. And if a boy is able to come between to girl friends, they’ve turned the tables. This is not good for either girl. Only the most charming boys can pull this off, but it can be done. And these are the guys that you’ll want to be with the most! Be very careful girls, because this can be the “life or death” of your reputation in High School (and yes, it begins in Junior High).
So, girls, in keeping with the tradition, and for the future of all girls, never let a guy see your eagerness to be with him. “Hard To Get” works like a charm, and is the single biggest advantage of girls over boys (and even women over men). Never let a guy come between you and your friends. Never, ever, let a guy feel as though they have the control over you; or, as sure as the sun came up this morning, they will take that control, and never give it back. Keep them guessing. Keep them eager to want you. Keep “them” desperate!
The way to accomplish this is by never letting a guy get the “Hard To Get” advantage over you. You must make him feel like you’re self-sufficient and that you can live without him, while at the same time showing little signs here and there that you are interested. A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship will last much longer if you don’t blurt out, “YES!” when he asks you to the next dance (and yes, he must ask “you”) or asks if he can sit with you during lunch. Think about it for a second, and then calmly reply, “Sure. That sounds good.” There are thousands of proven ways to make them want to be with you even more.
Remember, if you’d like to guarantee yourself a great reputation in High School, you have to show restraint in Junior High. Never let them see you sweat 
And never, ever let them see your desperation, no matter how desperate you really are! The girls that the (important) boys want most in High School are the girls that have restraint and dignity. Boys do not. These are the girls the geeks stay away from because they think, “She’d never like me.” They’re the girls the jocks say, I’ll take her, and her, and her … They’re the girls that the intelligent, good looking boy knows, to get with her, he must also spend time with, and like to be with, her one or two not-so-good-looking friends.
The most important thing to remember, above all, is that a great looking guy won’t necessarily take out the trash, show respect for you by opening the door for you, or get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby. So while you’re gawking at that “Ashton Kutcher” look-alike, take a step back and see if he’s also got some “Mekhi Phifer” in him. Great looks are second to reputation in High School. And while immaturity will show your age, it’ll end up leaving you with only the geeks to choose from. Being mature makes for an awesome and long-lasting reputation with the guy who will take the time to make it past the “Hard To Get” routine. It’ll get you that guy of your dreams!
About The Author
Keith D Commiskey is the husband to a great wife, and step-dad to one great daughter turning teen. Keith does graphics and web design by day; and is a father, husband and entrepreneur by night. He established himself as a web and database developer beginning in 1995, and has layered those talents on top of his graphics and computer animation experience which he began 1991. Hi is the sole creator and owner of two sites with creative thoughts that just won’t stop: http://www.giftsforyou.biz and http://www.kdcinfo.com
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December 4, 2007
This article addresses some practical questions raised by parents in response to my suggestion that praising too much is actually counter-productive while trying to motivate our children.
~~ But if I’m not praising and not punishing, what do I do instead? ~~
Try simply communicating your sincere admiration, gratitude, and appreciation when it arises. When your child does something admirable, let him know how you feel. “Wow! Do I count 20 towers on that sand castle?!” instead of “Good building, Johnny!” The difference is that when you admire or appreciate, you join him in his experience and there’s an alignment. When you praise, you derail his train and bring it over to your track.
When you are grateful for your child’s help, say so. When she shares a little known fact that she learned at school, your interest and attention are the reward. Becoming a valued and contributing member of the family and society is much more of a reinforcement than grades or a gold stars.
Try treating your child like you’d treat an adult neighbor or coworker. I don’t see my neighbors getting smiley stickers when they shovel their driveway or weed their garden, even if they do a really good job. And no one says, “Good gardening, Joe!”
Nonetheless, a well-maintained yard is a pleasure for the whole neighborhood, and I can let them know that I enjoy the fruits of their labors without praising them. A quiet and sincere comment of acknowledgment and appreciation goes a long way.
The difference lies in the intention. Kids recognize from a mile away that praise is really a sugarcoated agenda. Most of them prefer and respond positively to sincerity. Wouldn’t you?
~~But if I stop giving rewards they won’t be motivated to do anything! ~~
We each do dozens of things every day for no external reward. We sew or knit or paint or do woodworking just for fun. We strive to decrease our time or improve our score just for the thrill of growth and mastery. We wash dishes so we can eat from clean plates later. We stop at red lights even when there are no police cars in sight, because we want to arrive at our destination in one piece.
Babies learn to walk because their developing bodies drive them to do so, not because we clap and cheer at their first steps! It really is ok to leave them alone with their process. I’m not saying we can’t share in their delight. But they learn to walk even without any gold stars.
Doesn’t this make you wonder how many other accomplishments might be motivated by a similar internal drive if given the chance? Wouldn’t it be great to just relax and trust this intrinsic impulse?
If this subject intrigues you, be sure to check out the book Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn. It’s a fascinating read!
copyright karen alonge 2006
Karen Alonge is an intuitive life coach and parenting consultant with 20 years of experience helping families with all types of challenges. She offers consultations by phone, email, and IM. Clients often notice dramatic changes in their daily experience after only one session. Please visit http://www.karenalonge.com for more information.
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November 22, 2007
Spare the rod, spoil the child!
This philosophy’s been around a long time.
In fact, a study done by Zero to Three, a
nonprofit child-development group, found that 61
percent of the adults who responded, condone
spanking as a regular form of punishment. The
percentage of parents who actually use spanking is
believed to be much higher.
And when my five year old son’s behavior went
beyond annoying a few days ago, I felt inclined to
join the majority, and swat him to “teach him a
lesson.”
Most parents reach this point with their kids. You
feel as though you can’t take any more of what your
kids are dishing out. It usually happens when
you’re tired, stressed, and overdone.
So what are your choices when you reach this point?
Spanking certainly can take care of things quickly,
and can temporarily change your kids behavior. But
there are many reasons to question the practice of
spanking your kids. Here are five of them:
1. Do you really want your kids to be afraid of you?
Kids will sometimes obey more readily when they’re
afraid of you. Is this what you really want? What
happens when they’re six feet two and two hundred
pounds? Effective parenting is based on love and
respect, not fear.
2. Spanking shows your kids that you lack self-control
The huge majority of spanking incidents come when
a parent is angry. What is quite clear to your
child is this: when my Dad or Mom gets angry, they
hit me. And when the same child hits his sister
when he gets angry, do you demand that he shows
better self-control?
Something’s wrong with this picture. You
teach your kids best through your own actions.
3. You may breed resentment and anger in your kids
Kids who are spanked usually don’t learn a great
deal about “correcting” their misbehavior. They
don’t usually sit in their rooms and say,
“Gosh, I can really see after getting spanked that
I was wrong. I’ll do better now.” They do think
about how angry their Dad or Mom is, and they can
develop a good deal of resentment for their
parents.
4. Spanking shows your kids that “might makes right”
Adults make mistakes in their lives too, right?
Can we use our imaginations, and visualize what it would
be like for someone four times our size to pick us
up, and swat us on the butt? What would we learn
from that? Would we feel any injustice? You can
bet your kids are feeling some.
5. Spanking isn’t effective in the long run
Parents who are asked why they spank will report
that they use it to “teach their kids a lesson,”
or so they won’t misbehave again. Many kids who
are spanked will go underground with their
misbehavior, and become more cunning to avoid being
caught. (Wouldn’t you?) If you’re spanking your
kids fairly often, doesn’t this show that it’s not
working very well?
Kids who are spanked occasionally aren’t ruined
for life. But spanking isn’t necessary to discipline a
child. There are countless examples of disciplined
and responsible young people who were never
spanked by their parents.
Parents who don’t spank their kids use time outs,
re-directing, or distracting with their kids. They can
pick their kids up and let them cool down, or
simply leave the area themselves, so they don’t
do something they’d regret later.
While these methods aren’t always perfect, they
help to form the foundation of a certain kind of
household: One in which violence is not “taught”
as a means to better behavior.
After all, we live in a world that’s filled with
violence.
Can’t we provide a place for our kids where there
isn’t any?
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers
and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally
Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm
For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE
bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com
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October 31, 2007
If your baby is suffering from eczema, you know how uncomfortable the itchy and dry skin can be, not to mention the sore spots. Since eczema usually goes hand in hand with sensitive skin, treating it can be a bit of a challenge. Thankfully there are quite a few home remedies for baby eczema you can try.
Moisturize
Keeping baby’s skin well moisturized should always be the first step in any eczema treatment. Use a natural aloe Vera lotion several times a day, especially after bathing baby. Reapply as often as need to keep baby’s skin from drying out. Avoid any harsh cleansers and make sure baby is getting plenty to drink to moisturize from the inside out as well. Incidentally breastfed babies experience fewer and milder episodes of eczema.
Oatmeal Bath
When baby’s skin gets very itchy, an oatmeal bath can be very soothing and help skin heal. Put two cups of oats in a food processor (or use a coffee grinder) and grind them into a powder. Add the oatmeal powder to a running bath of warm (not hot) water and stir well. Soak in the oatmeal bath for 15 minutes, rinse with clean water and dab the skin dry with a soft towel. When baby’s eczema breakouts are bad, it is safe to sooth them with an oatmeal bath twice daily.
Natural Skin Wash
As mentioned above, you want to avoid any harsh skin care for baby. The following natural skin wash is very gently and helps with the itch. Combine 1 tsp of comfrey root, 1 tsp of white oak bark, 1 tsp of slippery elm bark and two cups of water in a bowl. Mix well, and then pour it into a pot. Heat over medium heat until it comes to a boil, and then simmer for thirty minutes. Allow the mixture to cool, then strain out the solids and use the liquid like any face wash.
While this mixture may not completely clear up baby’s eczema, it is a natural, gentle and effective cleanser that will help reduce the itching and inflammation.
Healing Lotions
When eczema really flares up, you want to get baby’s skin healed back up as soon as possible. Healing lotions can help shorten the healing time and moisturize and protect your skin from future outbreaks at the same time.
Lotions to look for ate those made with blueberry leaves. Blueberry leaves are very good at relieving the inflammation of eczema and at improving the irritation that accompanies itching.
Zinc is another great ingredient. Apply zinc lotion directly on the affected area. Zinc can also be taken as a supplement in pills. Taking regularly, it can be an effective eczema treatment.
To help heal the skin, use a lotion containing vitamin E, or apply vitamin E oil directly on the affected area. It will quickly reduce itching and improve healing. Continue applying the vitamin E oil until the skin is healed.
Reduce Irritants
Some babies experience eczema because they are allergic to detergents, which are found in nearly all personal care, cleaning and laundry products. You may want to investigate using pure soap for all cleaning and laundry as well as bathing for some time to see if your baby’s eczema improves.
Eczema can also occur as a result of food allergies. If you have a family history of food or environmental allergy, your baby may also be experiencing sensitivities to something in his diet or environment. Check with your baby’s health care provider and consider an elimination diet or other measures to track down allergens.
Typically, babies outgrow eczema, or at the very least, it will improve as he gets older.
This article is provided for information purposes only. Please consult your baby’s health care provider before trying home remedies.
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October 18, 2007
Reading books to your baby can be a great way to bond and to lay the building blocks for their intellectual development and language skills. In addition, reading to your baby can lead to a love of reading that can last a lifetime and show that reading is a skill worth learning. So get started today and give your child this fantastic gift by following some of these great tips.
1) When your baby is a newborn (0 to 6 months), the sound of your voice soothes and comforts them so sharing stories or singing lullabies is a great way to bond with your child. Whether you are feeding, changing or bathing your baby, take advantage of the time you have with them to sing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” or “Hush, Little Baby”.
2) Babies that are in the 6 month to 1 year range benefit greatly from you reading to them on a daily basis. They learn how much you like reading and enjoy your warm lap and rhythmic sound of your voice. Before you begin reading, make sure that they can see the book clearly. Involve them in the story by making sounds and faces, substituting their name for one of the characters and having them participate by pointing to pictures along with you. Many of the board books and other books offer interactive reading experience for the child to keep them interested. Baby Einstein has fabulous board books that are durable and hold up well to baby chewing so let your baby play with the books even when you aren’t reading to them. Finally, don’t get discouraged if you can only hold baby’s attention for a few minutes. That often happens at this age.
3) By the time the child is a toddler, they often have good reading habits if you started a ritual with them early. If not, no time like the present to get your child interested in books. Reading a book to your child at bedtime (or another designated time during the day) helps establish a routine and they can look forward to that time of day. Books are a great way to introduce colors, shapes, letters and so forth in a fun way. Also, children at this age like to pick their own books for reading time so let them take control over selecting the book and turning the pages. They will often choose the same book over and over again which can be tiring for you, but they will begin to remember words and recognize what will happen next which is a great memory building exercise. Just remember that if the child is antsy or doesn’t want to read, don’t force them. Just try again later when they are well-rested and in a good mood. The last thing you want to create is a negative reading experience for your child.
4) Preschoolers and up. As your child gets older and their reading skills improve, take turns reading books to each other. Ask your child open-ended questions to encourage them to think about what they are reading and let their imagination go to work. This age range is a great time to introduce books that have themes and lessons like being a good friend or not talking to strangers. If your child and/or your family are going through a difficult situation like the death of a family member or serious illness like cancer, books can help them understand and get through the difficult time. Continue having a set reading routine with them and watch your children bloom into fantastic readers.
Don’t forget to tell other Mom’s about your great reading experiences to encourage them to get on board. And the next time you are looking for the perfect baby gift, think about giving a baby book gift basket from a store like Baby Gifts & Gift Baskets (http://www.baby-gifts-gift-baskets.com/Baby_Book_Baskets.html). These baskets have the most popular and age appropriate books to help Mom get her baby library started.
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October 15, 2007
As parents we all want the very best for our children, so how do we give them a headstart right from conception and in those first important months of life?
It is the combination of a good diet as well as your interaction and encouragement with some simple baby gamesthat can give your child the best start in terms of brain development.
Pregnant women are made very aware of the need for extra folic acid in the early stages of pregnancy but what about fats which make up a large proportion of the brain, in particular essential fatty acids?
It is commonly known that breast-fed babies have a slightly higher IQ, so the phrase ‘breast is best’ still applies for many health reasons. The added intake of fatty acids (omega 3 and 6) for pregnant and breastfeeding mothers, along with essential vitamins and minerals, is shown to aid mental development in their babies. At birth your baby’s brain is almost 70% the size of an adult brain. The greatest brain growth occurs during infancy and is almost completed by the time your child is 5-6 years old. A closer watch on your (and your child’s) diet in these formative years is certainly a determining factor in development.
Omega 3 fatty acids are found in tuna, salmon and mackeral, and for non-fish eaters supplements are readily available. Omega 6’s are generally consumed more by the general population, being found in grains, cereals, poultry and eggs. Being aware of your intake, particularly of omega 3’s is beneficial to your own heart and brain function as well as that of your unborn or newborn child.
On the other hand poor diet in young children has been linked to allergies, poor concentration, learning and behavioural problems. Intelligence has been shown to only be partially hereditary, it is a combination of heredity and diet. Setting a good example for our children from the very start is imperative. Eating a balanced diet when they are being breast-fed and providing healthy, fresh food and snacks when they become toddlers goes a long way towards having energetic children who are full of vigour.
So get out the salmon for dinner and get ready for some stimulating brainy baby games for your little one.
Kids Fun & Games - for parents of 0-6yr old kids. Lots of educational baby & toddler games, child crafts, indoor & outdoor child games, child party games and more.
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October 6, 2007
Knowing what you like to do and then finding someone to pay you for it is the key to happiness.
Motivational Speaker, Author and TV show host, Edward W. Smith, who specializes in quick tips on how to move your life ahead even faster, offers this advice on how to find out what you love to do
This is the “manila envelope” technique. Obtain a manila envelope, notepad and pen and carry it with you throughout the day. Each time you see something that interests you, find a way to save it in the envelope. Rip things out of publications, print things off the web, make notes on your pad, whatever, but preserve the thought in some way and put it in the manila envelope. Don’t edit or censor your thoughts, if it interests you, put it in the folder. Nothing is too silly or out of bounds in any way. At the end of the day, save the manila envelope and start a new one for the next day.
Do the “manila envelope” exercise each day for 10 days straight. At the end of the 10 days empty all the envelopes and begin to sort the contents by a pattern, or something that lies beneath the specific thing that triggered the attraction to it. Some things were just random ideas, but you will find a pattern of things in others that stayed with you over the 10 days. These ideas that stayed with you over time is where you should concentrate your efforts to find what you truly want to do.
Take these core interests and explore jobs related to them without concern for money, or other factors. Can you do them part time, can you take courses related to them? As you go though you day, constantly look for jobs or careers that relate to the interests you have discovered. Find out what training or experience is required to obtain that job and put together a plan to start down that road. You will then be on your way to your dream job.
Contact Information
Edward W. Smith, 201-568-0019, edsmith@brightmoment.com, www.brightmoment.com, PO box 8106, Englewood NJ 07631
Edward W. Smith is the author of Sixty Seconds To Success, he hosts and produces the Bright Moment TV show, is a motivational speaker and is president of the Bright Moment Seminars.
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October 5, 2007
Besides the fact that they were built to do so, there are a
great many reasons why infants need to move. The truth is,
even though their movement capabilities are extremely
limited when compared with even those of a toddler, movement
experiences may be more important for infants than for
children of any other age group. And it’s not all about
motor development either.
Thanks to new insights in brain research, we now know that
early movement experiences are considered essential to the
neural stimulation (the “use-it-or-lose-it” principle
involved in the keeping or pruning of brain cells ) needed
for healthy brain development.
Not long ago, neuroscientists believed that the structure of
a human brain was genetically determined at birth. They now
realize that although the main “circuits” are “prewired”
(for such functions as breathing and the heartbeat), the
experiences that fill each child’s days are what actually
determine the brain’s ultimate design and the nature and
extent of that child’s adult capabilities.
An infant’s brain, it turns out, is chock-full of brain
cells (neurons) at birth. (In fact, a one-pound fetus
already has 100 billion of them!) Over time, each of these
brain cells can form as many as 15,000 connections
(synapses) with other brain cells. And it is during the
first three years of life that most of these connections are
made. Synapses not used often enough are eliminated. On the
other hand, those synapses that have been activated by
repeated early experiences tend to become permanent. And it
appears that physical activity and play during early
childhood have a vital role in the sensory and physiological
stimulation that results in more synapses.
Neurophysiologist Carla Hannaford, in her excellent book,
Smart Moves: Why Learning Is Not All in Your Head, states:
“Physical movement, from earliest infancy and throughout our
lives, plays an important role in the creation of nerve cell
networks which are actually the essence of learning.”
She then goes on to relate how movement, because it
activates the neural wiring throughout the body, makes the
entire body — not just the brain — the instrument of
learning.
Gross and fine motor skills are learned through repetition
as well — both by virtue of being practiced and because
repetition lays down patterns in the brain. Although it
hasn’t been clearly determined that such early movements as
kicking, waving the arms, and rocking on hands and knees are
“practice” for later, more advanced motor skills, it’s
believed that they are indeed part of a process of
neurological maturation needed for the control of motor
skills. In other words, these spontaneous actions prepare
the child – physically and neurologically – to later perform
more complex, voluntary actions.
Then, once the child is performing voluntary actions (for
example, rolling over, creeping, and walking), the circle
completes itself, as these skills provide both glucose (the
brain’s primary source of energy) and blood flow (“food”) to
the brain, in all likelihood increasing neuronal
connections.
According to Rebecca Anne Bailey and Elsie Carter Burton,
authors of The Dynamic Self: Activities to Enhance Infant
Development, whenever babies move any part of their bodies,
there exists the potential for two different kinds of
learning to occur: learning to move and moving to learn.
Still, recent evidence indicates that infants are spending
upward of 60 waking hours a week in things – high chairs,
carriers, car seats, and the like!
The reasons for this trend are varied. Part of the problem
is that more and more infants are being placed in childcare
centers, where there may not be enough space to let babies
roam the floor. Or, given the number of infants enrolled,
there may be little opportunity for caregivers to spend
one-on-one time with each baby. This means, in the morning,
an infant is typically fed, dressed, and then carried to the
automobile, where she’s placed in a car seat. She’s then
carried into the childcare center, where she may spend much
of her time in a crib or playpen. At the end of the day,
she’s picked up, placed again into the car seat, and carried
back into the house, where she’s fed, bathed, and put to
bed.
Even when parents are home with baby, they seem to be busier
than ever these days. Who has time to get on the floor and
creep around with a child? Besides, with today’s emphasis on
being productive, playing with a baby would seem almost a
guilty pleasure! And if the baby seems happy and safe in a
seat placed conveniently in front of the TV, in a bouncer
hung in a doorway, or cruising about in a walker, then
what’s the harm? It’s a win/win situation, isn’t it?
In fact, it isn’t. Being confined (as one colleague says:
“containerized”) affects a baby’s personality; they need to
be held. It may also have serious consequences for the
child’s motor – and cognitive – development.
Other trends in today’s society having an impact on infants’
opportunities to move are the inclination to restrict,
rather than encourage, freedom of movement and the misguided
belief that early academic instruction will result in
superbabies. (In 1999, 770,000 copies of infant software –
“lapware” – were sold!)
Humans are meant to move and play. The inclination – the
need – is hardwired into them. Babies, in fact, spend nearly
half of their waking time – 40% – doing things like kicking,
bouncing, and waving their arms. And while it may appear all
this activity is just for the sake of moving, it’s important
to realize a baby is never “just moving” or “just playing.”
Every action extends the child’s development in some way.
Rae Pica is a children’s physical activity specialist and author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity
(McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education
groups throughout North America. Visit her and read more
articles at http://www.movingandlearning.com.
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October 3, 2007
At birth we intuitively know our bodies are sacred. This provides a built-in protection system. When a baby is startled by an uncomfortable noise or touch, this protective system kicks in. When a child squirms or throws both arms across the chest, the child is using this protective mechanism. Observers of child development refer to this self-protective mechanism as the ‘startle response.’ Within a few minutes of birth this startle response is apparent.
Adults need to respect children’s sacred physical boundaries and inherent likes and dislikes beginning at birth. Lack of respect for a child can disturb a child’s protection responses, rendering their intuitive perception of unwanted or uncomfortable touch to be either inoperative or very weak.
Parents can avoid thwarting this protection system by minimizing any touch or maneuvering that the child dislikes. When your child protests, you need to stop immediately and find an alternative approach. Yes, fostering and maintaining this protective system takes effort. However, remember the goal is to reinforce your child’s right to protest uncomfortable or unwanted touch for any reason, rather than simply getting done what needs to be done—such as: bathing, dressing, undressing.
The worst type of sacred body boundary violation is the use of spanking as a form of discipline. Spanking, defined as slapping of the buttocks, is a form of hitting and is physical violence. This fact alone is reason enough to make the spanking of children unacceptable by the same standards that protect adults, who are not as vulnerable. However, there is more to spanking than simple hitting. Spanking also trespasses on one of the body’s most private and sexual areas—the genitals. Furthermore, violent socialization of infants, children and youth by means of ‘spanking,’ ‘bopping,’ ‘switching,’ ‘licking,’ ‘whipping,’ ‘paddling,’ ‘popping,’ ‘whacking,’ ‘thumping,’ etc. conditions children to accept and tolerate aggression and violence. This leaves the child prey to sexual abuse and incest. To address the inappropriateness of spanking children completely, we need to consider not only the issue of physical violence, but also the issue of sexual trespass.
It is a known fact that sex offenders target children who appear to have been victims before (quiet, withdrawn, compliant.) A previous victim of body boundary violations tend to be quiet, easy to manipulate and more likely to comply with a sex offender’s demands.
The harm of spanking to reinforce appropriate behavior has been thoroughly explained and demonstrated over the past century in a vast body of academic literature, scientific research, legal treatises, and recently in the popular media. We know that spanking is still considered the preferential form of child discipline as 22 states allow paddling with a wooden paddle in schools. Further evidence that spanking is a preferential form of child discipline is revealed in a random telephone survey done by Harvard Medical Center in 1997. 67% of parents surveyed stated they hit their child(ren) an average of once a week for discipline.
In my discussions with people who use spanking to promote compliance with instructions, the most frequent rationalization is that a two-year-old child cannot be reasoned with—so spanking is the best alternative. When I then ask the adult if I can hit them because they cannot be reasoned with regarding hitting or spanking children, they are chagrined by the obvious analogy.
Another classic rationalization is the need to spank in emergency situations—when there is no time for explanations. An example of the rationalization that is frequently given is: “What if my child walks into the street with oncoming traffic. In this situation, one has to impress on the child that walking into the street is dangerous,” they reason, “and spanking the child is the most effective alternative.” This reasoning is faulty because spanking creates shock, whereby the mind is unable to focus or retain logic rather than enhancing comprehension. Furthermore, hitting engenders rage rather than respect. Thus, instead of creating learning and compliance to avoid stepping into the street, the child has learned to distrust and fear adults. Since the child is dependent on their aggressor(s)for their survival and in order to maintain the relationship, the child pushes the rage deep into the psyche. The accompanying response to body boundary violations is to act out in other ways that may include rebellion, violence, self-destructive behavior, etc.
Some people believe spanking is justified or even commanded in the Bible, specifically the book of Proverbs. There is a distinction, however, which is of key interest to fundamentalists, between the practice in King Solomon’s day of beating people on the back and the modern American habit of buttocks hitting. The latter is not prescribed anywhere in the Bible. Furthermore, it needs to be pointed out that the Old Testament contains passages that could be (and in some incidents have been) construed as divine endorsements of wife-beating, racial warfare, slavery, the stoning to death of rebellious children and other behaviors that are outrageous by today’s standards.
Our laws and our cultural values are unambiguous concerning adults who physically attack or verbally threaten other adults. Such behavior is recognized as criminal, and we hold the offenders accountable. Why then, when so much is at stake for society, do we accept the excuses of those who hit children? Why do we become interested in the needs of children only after they have been terribly victimized, or have become delinquents victimizing others?
The answer is not complicated. We cannot believe that hitting children is abuse until we can honestly acknowledge the mistreatment from our own childhood experiences and examine the shortcomings of our own parents. To the extent we feel compelled to defend our parents and guard their secrets, we will do the same for others. We will promote physical punishment as a ’standard’ form of discipline or look the other way. By continually insisting that we ‘turned out okay,’ we are reassuring ourselves and diverting our attention from deeply hidden unpleasant memories.
This is why, when someone says, ‘spanking is abuse,’ many people react as though a door barricaded since infancy has been smashed open. This barricaded, unconscious door has prevented us from committing the most dangerous most unpardonable act of disloyalty imaginable, disloyalty to our parents. We are afraid that by opening the door to the truth we might fall through into an abyss—abandoned and cut off from any possibility of reconciliation with the parents we love. The fear is irrational. Denial—about what was done to us and, now, what we are doing and allowing to be done to the next generation—is the real danger and the real sin. Hitting is a sacred body boundary violation and is violence toward another human being. In the case of hitting children for discipline, it is an act of violence by the person, who the child trusts implicitly and on whom the child is the most vulnerable and dependent.
Reconciliation and healing can only begin with an acknowledgment of the truth. It is futile to hope that denial, lies, evasions and excuses can somehow erase the memory and pain of past injuries.
“There never was a time when a major social problem was solved by beating a child. And there never will be such a time… For centuries adults have injured children and have lied about it, and other adults have heard those lies and then merely turned away… we must begin putting the blame where it belongs.” . — C. Everett Koop, M.D., Sc.D
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes in: Emotional healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net
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