Divorce - Lawyers Are The Only Winners

There is a joke out there that scientists are beginning to use lawyers in place of lab rats for their experiments. Apparently, the scientists were becoming too attached to the rats and there are some things that even rats will not do.

Is this cynical? Perhaps. But there is also an element of truth when it comes to lawyers and divorce. During a divorce, your emotions are on high alert and you may not be thinking clearly. This lack of focus for the lawyer’s clients is like blood in the water for sharks.

If you can put your emotions aside for just one moment, you and your spouse will realize that mediation is a much better option then going through lawyers and the courts.

IMPORTANT POINT – You do not need the courts to decide the division of marital assets, child support and spousal support during a divorce. You only need the courts to make the entire process official and final. If both parties in the marriage can present a self-negotiated settlement to the courts, the courts are perfectly agreeable to this option. This is why it is so important to do most of the groundwork prior to showing up in court.

If you attempt to negotiate a settlement through your respective lawyers, you will end up spending much more money then you really need to.

Imagine this scenario – lawyer A sends lawyer B a letter outlining their clients position on any particular issue. Lawyer B receives the documents from lawyer A and then issues their own document back to lawyer A acknowledging receipt of documents from lawyer A. Lawyer A then sends a quick note back to lawyer B acknowledging receipt of the receipt of the documents. If you listen carefully, you can here the lawyers laughing silently as they calculate exactly how many payments they can make on their high-end luxury car on your back.

As ridiculous as this sounds, I’m embarrassed to admit this has actually happened to me. It is maddening to know thousands of dollars were spent unnecessarily because two parties could not come to their own solution. If you let your emotions run wild, the lawyers will capitalize on this weakness and start charging you hundreds of dollars for an administrative tug of war.

I realize it is not fair to stereotype an entire profession or group of individuals but if lawyers really had their clients best interests at heart they would send their clients a letter that says – negotiate a settlement yourselves or we will charge you a bucket load of money for your stupidity.

There are other options available if you and your partner are unable to negotiate an agreement yourselves. Mediation is a viable option that can get the job done and save both parties a great deal of money. In the end, long after the divorce has been finalized and the emotions have subsided, both parties will be grateful they used mediation.

Like all things in life, choose a mediator wisely. Not all mediators are competent and effective. If you can find a mediator that both parties agree on, you are well on your way to dissolving your marriage.

Successful Love Relationships: Romantic Chemistry Comes In Degrees

Romantic chemistry is not a matter of “love” or “no love.” Romantic chemistry comes in DEGREES. Sometimes your romantic feeling for another person may be 70%, sometimes 95%, sometimes 40%. The same is true of another’s romantic feeling for you. The degree of romantic chemistry has a lot to do with what happens in the relationship.

For instance, if your romantic chemistry for a particular person is 83% (borderline between good and very good), then you may have feelings of uncertainty and confusion. On the one hand this is an important relationship and you want to keep it, but on the other hand you have vague feelings that there might be something better. You wonder whether to settle for this relationship or hold out for another.

Understanding the dynamics of relationships with varying degrees of romantic chemistry is a critical step in finding good love.

The story of Tom and Mary, condensed from my book “Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know the Odds),” illustrates the importance of measuring chemistry before marriage and also illustrates what happens when there is a chemistry imbalance.

Mary was intelligent, outgoing, beautiful. Tom knew her from the time they were kids; their families knew each other, they never dated anyone else. Mary and Tom dated for seven years before they got married. Tom was a young and promising corporate executive. Mary didn’t really care for the corporate society scene, but there were other things more important in a relationship.

Tom was the adventurous type. One day he said, “Let’s go skinny dipping after dark at the beach. It would be fun!” To which Mary replied, “You’ve got to be kidding! That’s
disgusting! What if we got caught?” I should say Tom is both adventurous and romantic. He says, “Honey, we’ve had such a nice day together, and this fire in the fireplace is so cozy, let’s do it right here. I want you right now.” “Tom, don’t be silly. The fire is beautiful, but it wouldn’t be at all comfortable on the floor. We should go up to the bedroom.”

Tom, of course, does not give up easily. “Let’s go for a bicycle ride this afternoon.” “But we don’t have bicycles!” “I know. I’ve found a place that rents bikes.” “Oh, that’s such a hassle. And it’s a waste of money to rent them.”

Tom wanted to see the world and do things. He wanted to experience life. He wanted to do things together. But they never did much.

Mary wasn’t motivated to do the things Tom wanted to do. She didn’t feel the same chemistry for Tom as he felt for her. She fantasized about going out with other men. So she left. The marriage lasted three years but ended in divorce.

Tom was very much in love with Mary. Mary, although she tried hard to make the relationship work, was only marginally in love with Tom. His feelings for her were very high (about 90%), but her feelings for him were only medium (perhaps 60%). They got married because it was the natural and expected thing to do. They didn’t measure their chemistry using Dr. Bessell’s Romantic Attraction Questionnaire (see Appendix 2 in “Love Is Not A Game”) before marriage. There was chemistry but it was not in balance. Mary couldn’t get what she really wanted (a deep feeling of connection) because she did not feel enough chemistry, and this made it relatively easy for her to leave.

To complicate things, neither of them was very emotionally mature (maybe 40%). This was a very typical relationship. Lacking any real understanding of love, they jumped at the popular fantasy of “let’s play house together” and got married. It was doomed from the start by the large difference in chemistry, but they were not mature enough to understand this beforehand.

One can use percentages, as I have done above, to describe the degree of romantic chemistry and the degree of emotional maturity. The relationship between Tom and Mary can thus be described as a “90%-60%-40%-40%” relationship. However, using percentages is cumbersome and not very visual or fun. In the book “Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know the Odds)” I have invented the concept of “Love Dice” to depict various relationship types. Red dice show romantic chemistry on a scale of one to six, and white dice show emotional maturity on a scale of one to six. The Love Dice make it very easy to describe the four key factors that determine the fate of any relationship (his and her romantic chemistry, his and her emotional maturity).

The key is to make an assessment of true romantic chemistry and emotional maturity before getting married. Doing this in advance will assure that you have an exciting and successful relationship.

Copyright 2005, Randy Hurlburt

Randy Hurlburt is an internationally acclaimed relationship coach, speaker, and author of “Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know The Odds).” A finalist for “Best Psychology/Self-Help Book” in the 2005 Benjamin Franklin Awards,”Love Is Not A Game” is about why good love (and good sex) are so hard to find, and includes love tests to measure romantic chemistry and emotional maturity.

Website: http://loveisnotagame.com

10 Ideas for Perfect Wedding Gifts

Wedding ceremonies are the stuff fairy tales are made of. Marriages are made in heaven, it is said. Keeping this age-old adage in mind, a heavenly atmosphere is created at the wedding venue. Aromatic smells fill the air. Guests decked in their Sunday best walk the red carpet with wedding gifts in tow. Giving gifts on the wedding day is part of the ceremony. A gift symbolizes the good will guests have for the newly married. Through these gifts, guests wish the couple a long and happy married life. Naturally, when wedding gifts are purchased the most important thing that one keeps in mind is their durability. It is usually felt that a wedding gifts should make a lasting impression.
Everyone wants to make a lasting impression. Here is how:

# FOR THE BRIDE: Jewelry is on the top of the list for wedding gifts for the bride. Simple yet elegant pieces will ensure surprise and fascination when your gift is opened. You can select from pendants, chains, necklaces, bracelets, brooch pins, hairpins and earrings.

# Gift accessories include exquisite evening bags, tote bags, handbags and clutch bags. Evening gowns and formal dresses are ideal clothing items.

# Jewelry boxes, perfumes, make-up kits and bags are among other gift articles.

# Diamonds are considered to be the ideal gift grooms can give their respective brides. Otherwise any of the above mentioned items would be considered worthy enough.

# FOR THE GROOM: Formal gifts include ties, tiepins, cufflinks (gold, silver or diamond studded ones), wristwatch and pocket watch among others. Suits and shirts are formal wear that can be given as gifts.

# Informal gifts include golf club sets, baseball sets or musical instruments like guitar.

# FOR BOTH BRIDE AND GROOM: Gift articles for both the bride and groom can include funny and naughty items. However, such gifts can be given only by those who know both of bride and groom from close quarters. Otherwise such gifts can be deemed impolite. The list includes ‘just married’ goggles, T-shirts, hats, caps, flip-flops and toilet paper (!). Naughty gifts can include wedding night kits, honeymoon kits, marriage certificates, towels and robes.

# DECORATIVE PIECES: Such gifts help the couple beautify their homes. Paintings, wall hangings and show pieces come under this category.

# PERSONILIZED GIFTS: Names or even photographs of the bride and groom can be embossed on a variety of items like pillow cases, pillows, albums, wedding plates, photo frames etc. to give a personal touch to the gifts.

# FRESH FLOWERS: Sweet smelling flowers are a natural choice for any occasion. Flowers impart joy to both the sender and receiver. To enhance the impact of the wedding gift you have selected, send some fresh flowers along with it. They are bound to catch the eye of the couple.

Amit is associated with one of the best Indian Gifting website Gifts to India

Wedding Budget Savers

Imagine the next time you join a discussion about wedding
budgets. When you start sharing the fascinating wedding budgets
facts below, your friends will be absolutely amazed.

Almost every couple struggles to stay within a budget for their
wedding day. Here are a few tips to help you cut back on
spending without cutting back on class.

To save on flowers, have a December wedding. Usually hotels,
reception sites, and churches are already beautifully decorated
which keeps expenses low. Also look into historic homes for a
more intimate setting. Consider having your wedding, reception
or both at a local garden club or botanical garden. Both will
offer a beautiful setting all year long, and your decorating
expenses will be low. For a more intimate setting, consider a
pretty bed and breakfast.

It is difficult to save on photography costs because you don’t
want to skimp on such an important and timeless item. Your
formal portrait should be taken by a professional photographer
and not by a friend or relative. Since photographers usually
charge partly based on hourly rate, consider sending them on
their way following the ceremony.

Once you begin to move beyond basic background information, you
begin to realize that there’s more to wedding budgets than you
may have first thought.

Scatter disposable cameras on tables at the reception with cards
asking your guests to take pictures. Provide a well-marked
basket by the exit for your guests to drop the used cameras in
when they leave. Have your families and bridal party make
certain that guests understand this.

If a friend or relative does offer to take pictures, thank them,
and suggest that they take photos at the reception. You could
offer to pay for film and/or developing. You should make sure to
get the negatives so you can order your own enlargements and
reprints.

One of your biggest expenses will be the reception. A buffet is
less expensive than a seated dinner, but have you considered
something unique, such as a picnic, barbeque or afternoon tea?
While you will save money if you have a Christmas wedding, many
venues up their prices, especially for a Friday or Saturday
night. Consider a Sunday wedding since this is usually an ‘off’
day for most restaurants and clubs.

Try to prepare some of the food yourself. Cook ahead and freeze
some items. Have family members cook up some family favorites
with secret recipes. These will be sure to please every guest in
attendance. There’s no doubt that the topic of wedding budgets
can be fascinating. If you still have unanswered questions about
wedding budgets, you may find what you’re looking for in the
next article.

Sex toys for the playful beginner

With the introduction of online shopping, there is no need to be
embarrased about walking into a shop and purchasing sex toys.
With such a range of items to choose from where does a girl/guy
start? Fear not miss kensington is here to help, providin great
ideas to turn you and your partner on. Most people think about
sex toys in terms of a vibrator, handcuffs and a blindfold or
mask, so i will talk you through some of the less known items
you can have in your draw! My top 5 are:

Bondage tape: My favourite colours are black and pink, you can
use it to create outfits, restraints and much much more! I
recommend strapping around your tits and also just above your
crutch and then wrap to one side of you thigh. Makes a great
outfit to enter the bedroom. Safe and certainly not sticky!

Remote control toys for couples: One of the best toys on the
market is called a mikakodori. The unit is small and discreet
where you will clip is on your belt of underwear. You have a
small object which will vibrate and you place this close to a
G-Spot. Them your partner has a remote and will set the speed to
pleasure you while noone else notices!

Rope: Bondage is great fun and very playful. I recommend going
for a silk rope version for beguinners. Silk basically means it
wont chafe or damage delicate skin. a 5m rope you can also learn
to make your own handcuffs and eye masks. Great Value!

Straps: This is one for the guys to enhance the doogy style
position. When in the doggystyle position, the strap is placed
on the womans tummy giving the controller a grasp stap either
side. It allows deeper penetration since the controller users
the upperbody to pull towards rather than pushing.

Nipple Clamps: Designed to enahnce the nipple sensation which is
commonly a G-Spot for most women. Since we all dont have 6 pairs
of hands and cannot be in many places at the same time, clamps
are great for continual nipple tension. Cock rings are also
available for the guys.

Other fun items are liquid latex, where you paint your partner
into a latex film great fun and no restctions for sex.

Safe sex is the only kind of sex! Love Miss Kensington

How To Show The Woman You Married That You Love Her

What have you done lately to show the woman you married that you love her? Did you take her out to dinner? Maybe you bought her some flowers or chocolates? A man likes to do these things for a woman because it’s easy and fast. But is your wife really appreciating the flowers and chocolates? In this article I have mentioned a few other useful tricks you can do to show your wife that you love her.

1. Validate the woman you married

A woman needs her man to validate her feelings. I know sometimes this is challenging for you to do, especially if you disagree with something she needs your support on. There is a correct way to do this without being offensive and hurting her feelings.

First of all be understanding of your wife’s feelings and then collaborate her on her thoughts and ideas even if they differ from yours. In essence, when you listen to your wife’s feelings, without criticizing her, you have essentially given her the validation she needs. Everyone needs validation from time to time; it makes them feel useful and productive individuals.

By trying to be more understanding, essentially you will be respecting the woman you married. Tell her how much you like her decorating style, or how she manages the home, or the way she dresses. Find the things about your wife you really like, be honest and tell her the great things you love about her instead of keeping those feelings inside.

Validation is a form of acceptance that you can give your wife. By accepting her for the woman she is it will make her feel safe and secure being your wife. A woman who feels safe and loved will ultimately give more of her self to her man.

Ironically, a husband can validate his wife’s feelings better when he takes the role of spiritual leader in the home. A man who feels secure in his position is more likely to make his wife feel good about who she is in the marriage. They work better together as a team, accomplishing more for them selves and the marriage.

2. Be more Affectionate with your wife

Hold your wife’s hand while watching TV, taking a walk, or driving in the car. Massage her back or feet without asking for anything in return. Your wife likes to be touched and fussed over occasionally, know when that time is by being attune to your wife’s feelings, and paying special attention to your wife on those days.

2. Surprise your wife with something totally unexpected

Instead of golfing with your buddies on Saturday, take your wife to a romantic outside lunch if it is summer or fireplace lunch in the winter. Then take her to a romantic comedy matinee movie. If you have the money to spend, book a hotel room for the night with a Jacuzzi and enjoy the night together! Your wife will love all this.

Make her a homemade all-occasion card on the computer telling her how important she is to you in your life. Make her feel special. Get creative, draw her a picture, and spend time on creating this card, she will love it that you took the time to make her a card rather than simply buying one from the store. It is the simple things in life that mean the most.

4. Give your wife the whole day off from cooking, children, and house cleaning.

This isn’t too hard. On your day off do everything for her. Do all the things she does for you. If you don’t know how to cook, order pizza or Chinese food. Let your wife spend the day with her friends shopping or going to lunch, etc. When she comes home give her a back rub, take her shoes off, draw her a hot bubble bath and let her take a long bath. When she comes out from her bath, light the candles, caress her some more and just be there for her all the rest of the evening. Be her loving, romantic and protecting man so she can be the woman God made her to be for you.

5. Appreciate all that your wife does

All of the above will show your wife that you love her and appreciate her for everything that she does. Being understanding of your wife’s feelings and needs on a consistent basis will improve the quality of your marriage a great deal. By taking the respective roles that God has designed for each gender will greatly enhance the happiness of your marriage. Be the man of the house so she can be the lady of the house.

~~

Angie Lewis has written another valuable book geared to married women and women who are thinking of getting married. In her book Angie shares her inspired divine wisdom that took her years to figure out and apply into her own marriage of 22 years. She shows you step by step biblical applications for a happier and forever lasting marriage.

“LOVE THE MAN YOU MARRIED” (A Woman’s Handbook For Marriage) will be released to the public in Febuary 2006.

For more information on this book visit Angie’s website
http://www.spiritual.journeybooks.4t.com/

Subscribe to get your FREE monthly newsletter so you can learn to stay happily and forever married!
http://www.heavenministries.com/

Forget Divorce Court - Most Florida Divorces Never Make it to Court

Conjure up an image of divorce. The average person visualizes people sitting in a courtroom, giving testimony, with a judge at a bench presiding over everything. But the actual reality of most divorces is dramatically different. Forget high profile, exciting confrontations in courtrooms that were built 50 years ago. Most of the time, one or both spouses will never see the inside of a courtroom. More often that not, one spouse attends a short, 10 minute hearing. During the hearing a judge reviews a mediated settlement agreement, previously negotiated by the parties. If everything looks proper, the judge signs off on the divorce.

The vast majority of divorces in Florida are relatively boring exchanges of paperwork and telephone calls, rather than exciting court action. The average divorce case consists of tons of paperwork creation. The mountain of paperwork is interrupted by long waiting periods. Those waiting periods allow the opposing party time to create and send a similar pile of paperwork. The legal action consists of repetitive paperwork, exchange of financial documents, punctuated by the occasional phone call. The process rarely varies and the paperwork in each case is similar if not the exact same. One spouse sends a petition, the other sends an answer. Each spouse exchanges financial affidavits, tax returns, paycheck stubs, and other types of documentation. The attorneys act as paperwork mills, churning and spinning out pounds of identical documents into the postal system. Copies of documents are filed with the court records office. Judges rarely, if ever get involved at this stage. All of the documents, legal pleadings, notices, and forms, are oriented toward the mediation process. If mediation is successful it is the final event in most divorces.

In Florida, and in many states in the U.S., the process of mediation has become a mandatory step in a divorce. In the Mediation meeting each party, their attorney, and a neutral-unbiased mediator meet in a room. The mediator’s job is to negotiate an agreement that will cover all divorce issues. If the parties come to an agreement, a contract is written by the mediator and everyone signs the contract. At that moment in time the divorce is virtually over. The written agreement is binding and all parties must obey the terms. The only formality is to have a judge sign the final judgment.

Mediation appears to work. Over 90% of divorce cases settle by the time they get to mediation. Of the 10% that do not settle by mediation, the majority settle some time before final trial. The bottom line: only 1 out of 100 divorce cases go through the colorful confrontation in a courtroom that many people visualize or see on television. The vast majority, 99 out of 100 cases, never make it to court. There is no doubt: mediation works. The benefit: thousands of dollars in attorney fees are saved. Money that could pay for rebuilt lives is not diverted to the bank accounts of each attorney. Cases are brought to an early end. And each party to the divorce ends up having little or no contact with the court.

Copyright 2005 The Divorce Center P.A.

Howard Iken is the founder and managing attorney of The Divorce Center in Tampa Florida. For more information, call 1-888-469-3486 or visit Tampa Florida Divorce Attorney More information on the steps in a divorce can be found at Steps in a Divorce in Tampa Bay

Just Married- Take Some Vacation Marriage Advice

So you’re just married, and you think that after your honeymoon, that’s it for luxurious vacations right? As a married couple you’ve now got your mortgage to think about, car payments, utilities, saving for children if you plan to have them, insurance, credit card debt and then there’s everyday expenses like food. With all those expenses how could you ever think about a vacation again as a married couple, well you can!

Timeshares. Timeshares are great places to spend your time as a married couple. Some find that they get several weeks on their ownership program each year while others may not be able to use them at all. However that doesn’t mean you can’t rent them out to others and make a slight profit.

Most timeshare owners pay on average $250 for a week. As some marriage advice and financial advice find friends or family who are willing to split the fee and share the space. Or if you just want to stay the week you can pay the fee and enjoy your time there.

Before you head to your time share destination check on these things first: Make sure you agree on the price before taking over someone’s timeshare, and ask the other party about other expenses such as cleaning fees, and maintenance charges. Know what’s around you, you may think the time share comes with a full kitchen but find out there isn’t so you’ll want to know what you have access to and surrounding locations.

Marriage advice- The more the merrier for the just married

Take a vacation with your friends or another married couple. It can be fun, and less expensive because you can split some of the costs. Say you want to go to the mountains to do some skiing. An average price for a weeklong cabin rental with three bedrooms costs around $900. You can easily split that between other friends and save a ton while being located in an ideal spot. If you prefer to be outdoors, then take a camping trip. Your cost for the campsite will be nothing!

Before you go make sure to set some ground rules such as still making time for family, not just friends, or alone time with your other half especially if you’re just married. If you have kids, perhaps one night, one other couple or the friends you are with can watch them and then you can switch roles. Or you can choose to do your own things during the day and then get together during the night for dinner.

Swap Homes. Do you live in an attractive place where tourists always venture to. If so, consider doing a house exchange. Most house exchanges cost $30-$110 per year. You may feel skeptical about turning your house over to a stranger but it’s completely safe. Most home exchangers are prosperous, mature, and well educated professionals so they are not likely to destroy your home. Or you can choose to do a house swap with a family with children if you have children so you are going from one child friendly home to the next.

Before you do a house swap make sure to leave any necessary instructions the swapper may need, and check with your insurance company to make sure the new family is covered.

Volunteer your way. If you happen to work at a local campground this would be an ideal situation. Work for the week and get your campsite free. So basically you would put in your time but then have a vacation spot to enjoy. Not all campgrounds will offer this trade off but it could be something to look into if interested. Taking children that are slightly older are better to take along because some work will be required.

If you budget is limited its still important to spend time with family and loved ones so here are some alternatives for days trips that can seem like mini vacations.

Hit the Beach. The beach is a great place to spend the day, enjoy the water, and beach activities, but after a day worth of sun, everyone’s worn out and ready to head home so it makes an ideal day trip.

Send flowers. Flowers are always a pleasant surprise for those just married or for those that have been together for years. Or take your lunch break to surprise your loved one.

Presents.Give unexpected small gifts every now and then. Just the thought of them knowing that you took extra time out of your day to get something will be meaningful.

Go for a long walk. Go for a long walk with your loved one or kids and hold hands. It will be meaningful and fun.

Carriage Ride. Take a carriage ride through the city or a park for the first time as a married couple.

Zoo. Take a trip to your local zoo.

Museum. A museum leads more to a relaxing and educational day but still a day away from home.

Amusement park. Any amusement park can be enough excitement for one day.

Hiking. Go for a hike through the woods, pack a picnic and enjoy the peace as a married couple.

Day trips can be just as exciting as taking a vacation after being just married and you can do plenty more day trips then what you could do in one spot. So when planning your next vacation as a married couple keep this marriage advice in mind.

For more information relating to marriage financial resources please visit http://www.marriedfinances.com.

Kelly Kennedy is the Communications Specialist for MindComet Corporation, a full service marketing agency for Fortune 500 companies and international conglomerates. Kelly specializes in public relations strategies focused on personal finance. Kelly has been author to hundreds of articles focusing on finance. She also acts as a contributing author for a wide variety of websites and newsletters. Kelly holds a Bachelors degree in Marketing from the University of Central Florida.

Is It Infatuation or Love?

Sometimes it is really difficult to pull apart your feelings and label them into infatuation or love. When you first start dating someone, there are so many new and exciting feelings going on inside of your body, you probably have no idea exactly what you feeling. You may think you are falling in love but when you step back you might know it is too soon for those feelings.

Infatuation and love are so similar, it is hard to differentiate between the two. When you think of infatuation you should know that the feelings associated with infatuation are often focused on physical chemistry alone. You may have a strong connection, but may not know each other well enough emotionally and personally to be in love.

When you are in love, you feel that you know the person well enough to feel comfortable with whom they are, without wanting to change them. You would risk anything to be with this person, no matter what the cost. You feel as if you would never be happy without this person in your life. It is a hopeless feeling at first. Love is much more intense than infatuation and lasts longer. While infatuation fades quickly, love is everlasting.

Peter contributes his analysis to online matrimonials sites like Shaadi Bliss and Love Semora.

Divorce -Is It Lawful?

The question of divorce and its lawfulness is of long standing. The law-makers of our day have tried to answer the question. In many countries of the world it is said, “Yes, divorce is lawful.” Yet after the government has granted permission and many have obtained divorce by suits at law, the question still remains, Is divorce lawful?

In Mark 10:2-12 this question was put to Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?” The Pharisees brought the question in an atmosphere of test, but it reveals an attitude of conscience that prevailed. Is divorce all right, or is there something about it that may not be right? The Pharisees tried to build a case against Jesus. At the same time they revealed a consciousness that divorce is wrong. The principles of right instilled in man by God are not easily set aside. Not only in divorce is this true but also in other areas of life. Consider, for example, the taking of human life. To take the life of another person is instinctively recognized as being against the law of God. So it is with divorce. The instinct of fidelity in one man and one woman brings the question, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife?

To bring these Pharisees to the truth, Jesus took them to their own laws and to their own acclaimed leader and lawgiver, Moses. He questioned them, “What did Moses command you?” They were well acquainted with the Law of Moses. They knew the many grievances that had been taken to Moses. He had heard such complaints as, “I took a wife, but I hate her” (Deuteronomy 22:13); “I took a wife, but she had some uncleanness” (Deuteronomy 24:1 ) . They were “suing for divorce.” Malachi also in his day wrote of treachery against the wife of one’s youth. The people were “suing for divorce.”

All this the Pharisees knew. And they themselves were also guilty of similar treachery. At one time they brought a woman to Jesus, accusing her of adultery. “She was taken in the very act,” they said. But they did not bring the man who was just as guilty. They would have stoned her, but would have let the man go free. Jesus reproved them by answering and saying, “He that is without [this] sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her” (John 8:1-4). Their own consciences witnessed against them of their own sin, and they left one by one, realizing full well that they were all guilty of this same sin in their hearts perhaps many times in the past.

“What did Moses command you?” They answered, “Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.” Why then the question? They still wanted to trap Jesus, while at the same time they instinctively knew that there was something wrong with divorce. Now the indictment became clear. Jesus pointed to the hardness of their hearts. The Pharisees’ hearts were hard. The people in Malachi’s day had hardness of heart. The complainers in Moses’ day were hard of heart. Jesus said, “For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.” All who seek divorce have hard, unbelieving hearts.

Then out of the concern of Jesus’ heart for the Pharisees and all who should live after, Jesus gave the principle that God had established from the beginning: “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9). He said that in marriage God had formed a relationship that cannot be broken by man without violating this principle. God made one flesh of the twain, that is, of the male and the female in marriage.

In order to pursue the original question, we need to consider the various situations and possibilities that are producing confusion about the legality of divorce today. It is true that man can reason his way to justify whatever he desires. However, we must reckon with God and His Word to find the right answer. The Bible gives us answers that need to be applied and lived by.

Sometimes the exception clause in Matthew 5:32 is used to support divorce in cases of unfaithfulness. But such reasoning cannot be reconciled with the other New Testament passages on divorce and remarriage, which are very clear in their statement. The hardness of heart would grasp for a loophole here and fail to reckon faithfully with the clear statement of God’s Word in a number of other passages. This is hardly a safe approach to the Word.

The question is often raised, What about the innocent one? The Bible does not teach of an innocent one. Anyone (a third person) who marries one that is put away (even a so- called innocent one) is guilty of adultery also. “And whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery” (Matthew 5:32) If the divorce made the first marriage void, they would not be guilty of sin. However, the Bible states the guilt. Notice the word committeth, which would mean “a continued action.” It does not say “has committed.”

What do we say about those who divorce and remarry in sin and then want to come to Christ without separating? Repentance includes a forsaking of sin. How shall we continue in sin and be saved? If a deed such as divorce and remarriage is sin outside of Christ, what merit would there be in coming to Christ and still continuing in sin? Christ came to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. How could individuals continue in sin and claim Christ’s atoning work?

In John 8:11 we have the gracious words of Jesus, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” There is pardon for all sinners who repent, but individuals cannot continue in the same sin of which they have repented. Repentance is “a turning from sin, and sorrow for past sin.”

Sometimes the responsibility of the first marriage is excused on the basis that the marriage was not in the Lord as 1 Corinthians 7:39 states. It must be recognized that God instituted marriage for the entire race. He gave authority to the civil government to control and perform marriage ceremonies. Therefore He honors the ceremonies performed by them. A vivid example of this is found in Matthew 14:4, where John the Baptist condemned King Herod for having Herodias, his brother’s wife, as his wife. Herod was subject to God’s law on marriage even though he was definitely not in the Lord.

The writings of Paul the apostle have been used to teach his tolerance of divorce and remarriage. If Romans 7:1-3 is examined along with other references, we see Paul upholding the sacredness of marriage. The example is a marriage of one man and one woman, and the obligation is upon them as long as both are living. This lifelong obligation is compared to the responsibility to the Law until the Law was fulfilled in Christ. It is very clear that marriage is binding until the death of the husband or wife.

We have the Lord’s commandments in 1 Corinthians 7:10, 11: “Let not the wife depart from her husband: . . . and let not the husband put away his wife.” If the woman does depart, she shall remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. In the New Testament remarriage is not allowed as long as a partner is living.

1 Corinthians 7:17 gives direction to those who were married as unbelievers. When one becomes a believer, the believer is not to depart from the unbeliever. Verse 17 is applied to the previous verses, 12 to 16. Verse 20 applies to verses 18 and 19 on circumcision Verse 24 is direction to servants and freemen spoken of in verses 21 to 23. Would the apostle contradict the Lord’s commandment given in verses 10 and 11 with verse 17, 20, and 24? No ! Notice again the lifelong emphasis given in verse 39: “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.”

In Ephesians 5, marriage is compared to the relationship between Christ and His church. We are admonished to love within the marriage bond as enduringly as Christ loves the church. Of Jesus it is said, “Having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end.” Certainly no divorcement will terminate the union of Christ and His church. Therefore we should not institute one in the earthly union that symbolizes it. Also, submission to each other should be as lasting in the earthly relation as our submission to Christ is in the spiritual relation. No divorce is allowed for those who profess to serve the Lord Jesus.

Since divorce is a damnable sin, it behooves all those who are married and those who contemplate marriage to consider well the importance of the marriage vows. These vows are based on the Scriptures and involve both parties as long as they shall live. Jesus said, “Let not man put [the married ones] asunder.” The Apostle Paul said that the married ones are bound as long as they live. God, who joins the twain in one alone may break the bond. He who gives life alone has the authority to take life. Otherwise he who takes the life of another is a murderer, “and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him” (1 John 3:15). Likewise divorce comes under God’s judgments.

The unbeliever breaks the marriage relation to his own hurt. Infidelity and divorce can be forgiven by God’s grace, “but the way of transgressors is hard.” There is much sorrow and disappointment that will be reaped. But God gives abundant grace to the penitent who in faith obey Him.

The Bible says, “Adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). We can offer no hope of heaven to a divorced and remarried person regardless of church membership, unless, there is repentance and forsaking of sin.

Those finding themselves entangled in the divorce evil must forsake it to experience the mercy of God. Humanly speaking, anyone would shrink from it and say the cost is too high. But would it not be utterly foolish and also disastrous to allow and overlook divorce and remarriage when God clearly tells us that He will not overlook it? Since we know that this issue involves eternity, present life takes on a different perspective. The way or choice of obedience to God is well rewarded in an eternity with Him in glory. On the other hand, refusing to recognize and act on God’s Word brings eternal condemnation.

Beware of those who pretend to know God but refuse to take God at His Word. Human reasoning must be abandoned, and God must be allowed to have the final word; because finally, in judgment, God is the one who judges all men according to the Bible.

We must accept what God has decreed. Then we can enjoy the good things that God has in store. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” God would have us nourish and cherish each other, for each is a member of the other. Keep the symbolism before you and never, never let divorce be once named among you and thereby spoil the symbol. Live joyfully with the wife of your youth; let her loving presence satisfy you at all times. Why would you be ravished with a strange woman? God is watching, and He ponders your way. To err is to be held with the cords of sin “He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.” See Proverbs 5:18-23.

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